1. who is God, is there a God, and if so what does He want from me. and 2. what will happen to me when I die? will I cease, will I be conscious, where will I go then
When my brain started, I was about 14 year old, realizing/perceiving the existence of my own body as a separate entity from all other creatures, its first serious thought was:
You, Kerim, were forced (beyond your will) to exist in a realm you have no clear idea on it (every human baby is born with total ignorance).
And whatever the Will behind your existence (and of all your ancestors) has likely a certain purpose for doing it.
So my first question was:
"What could be the end purpose/fruit of my own existence?"
 Is it possible that there is no purpose at all? Based on my logic, there should be a purpose; otherwise there is no reason for the Will behind my existence to let me be different from all other creatures (the non-human ones in the least). These other living things are not supposed to ask themselves such a question, during their entire life, in the first place.
 Is it possible that the Will behind my existence expects to gain something for itself from creating me? If this is the case, I would exist as a machine (or a robot) which is not supposed asking itself such a question while it runs as it was programmed to do by its maker.
 The remaining answer is: “Although I was forced to exit, I am given the chance to gain something for myself, if I want to, as a free gift from the Will behind my existence.
Naturally, my second question was:
"What could be the nature of the gift I may get from of my Creator?"
To be a real gift, it has to reflect the nature of the donor. For example, a gift of loving parents to their son would be not of the same value/importance if they were selfish. And a real loving father is ready to share all he has with his beloved son.
 If I have to see the Will behind my existence like of the worldly kings/rulers who have to play the selfish masters in order to survive, this lets me return to  above which is not valid, to me in the least.
 If the gift is from a real loving entity and I am invited, if I want to, to share it with whom the ‘Will behind my existence’ belongs to, there must be a possibility for me to also exist even after the death of my mortal living flesh (to exist in the Realm of the Will behind my existence not limited by the notions of time and place).
I have needed about 10 years more before being able to find out the best logical answer. (I will return to this later).
when you have lost all, place, position, power, wealth, community, and family, yes family, as have I.....for the sake of Him and of His Truth, then perhaps call yourself crucified.
Oh! It seems you were describing my situation.
I was never interested in being rich, famous or be on power at any level, and, most of all, I wasn't interested in breeding or having any sort of sexual relationship. (Don’t worry; I am not a Catholic priest.)
By the way, I didn't mean, in my previous post that I was or I am crucified.
I am real free and happy the way I am.
I meant instead that I deserve being crucified, based on the world's justice, because I am no more of this world